Kam Raslan’s Talking Edge

(Reprinted from The Edge – Options pullout, 12 July 2010 issue)

Dear Kam,
How much did those submarines cost again?
Bean Counter

I still can’t get my head around the fact that the Scorpene submarines officially cost RM6.7billion. That is a lot of money, but fortunately we can be assured that no hanky-panky went on in the purchase because the MACC (the most trusted institution in the land) has decided that there is no need to investigate anything. Meanwhile, and on a completely unrelated topic, they will continue to investigate stuff about sand in Selangor.

Meanwhile, there are now five Scorpene submarines available on eBay.com, ranging from US$85 (RM272.40) to US$229.99. They all come on their own wooden stands.

Dear Guru,
What is Malaysian identity today? How does the average Gen Y Malaysian identify him or herself? Is ethnicity still the benchmark? Why?
The Riddler

I’m not really sure what this Generation Y stuff is all about. I think it’s more applicable in fully developed economies where the population is shrinking and ageing. We’re not exactly like that, but I’m not really sure because I haven’t been paying much attention. As you get older you tend to ignore things about young people because, a): They think they know everything, b): They call me “Uncle”, which makes me feel old, c): They don’t call me Uncle, which is disrespectful, d): They have way too much energy, and e): They haven’t even heard of Duran Duran.

Basically, they are a threat and they must be crushed!

I guess Generation Y comes after Generation X, and I’m so old that I’m not even that. I’m probably Generation S, and we were the coolest. For us her name will always be Rio and she will always dance on the sand. Very occasionally I listen to Lite n’ Cheesy FM which likes to announce itself as being “famous for the 80s” (or something like that). The 1980s was my decade and it was an excellent decade (Don’t you want me, baby? Don’t you want me, ooohh?) But I know that one day, and probably quite soon, the station will drop that and suddenly announce that it is “famous for the 90s”. Noooo!

If I can cast aside my growing fear of young people for one moment, I’d say that the young Malaysians I’ve met do not identify themselves in purely racial terms. Many still do, but many do not. There have been so many mixed marriages in the history of Malaysia and now I’m meeting a lot of young people who don’t even know what to call themselves. Racially, they’re a bit of this and a bit of that and culturally they are fully globalised, but with a distinct Malaysian twist. This trend will only grow and in 20 years time a racialised political system will make absolutely no sense. A racialised system will make no sense for these mixed up people, but many will want to cling onto it because it makes life so much easier. I get the distinct impression that Gen Y is becoming Gen Where? “Where shall I move to?”

Dear Kam,
What’s up with the preoccupation with iPhone and Blackberry? Even the “abang burger” near 7Eleven is using one.
Wired

There’s no reason why a burger seller shouldn’t have an iPhone. Anyone can have one if they can afford it.

iPhones and Blackberrys have become the must-have items. And now there’s the iPad and iPhone 4G to get everyone even more excited. The iPhone 4G is so amazing because it reads you a bedtime story, tells you everything will be alright and that you’re not fat, you’re just big-boned. It should be able to do those things because otherwise I don’t see the point.

But you’ve got to be impressed by Steve Jobs and Apple. The iPhone and iPad have been such a huge success and everybody wants one. I haven’t seen this kind of consumer desire since the hula-hoop. They already had excellent, desirable though quite expensive computers, but with these new products they’ve gone up into a brand-new level. One thing I find interesting is that this new phase began with the iPod, which gripped the consumer’s imagination. But in introducing the iPhone they were not afraid to make their own product redundant. That takes courage and ruthlessness, but it also shows belief in the new product. Apple products operate in that price range where it’s not cheap but it is just about affordable. Clever people.

Dear Kam,
How come they put Ogawa massage chairs in the Malaysia pavilion at the World Expo in Shanghai? I thought they were made in Japan?
Gotta Ask

Really? Ogawa massage chairs at the World Expo? That’s our representation? It’s probably an inspired decision. The Shanghai World Expo is very big and crowded, so after many hours waiting in queues people will want to sit down and have a relaxing massage. If they also have a Famous Amos and Auntie Annie booth then it will be a true slice of KLCC. Hopefully there will also be a Ramlee Burger stall (complete with iPhone) and every hour people can watch the world’s slowest Mat Rempit race.

Speaking of Mat Rempit, whatever happened to the Bohsia scourge? Some older readers might remember how we were once in danger of being overwhelmed by, literally, many girls with loose morals. Every day our magnificent newspapers (who only have our best interests at heart) would report the dangerous phenomenon that was sweeping the land as if it were literally, actually, honestly happening. And then suddenly it stopped and we don’t hear about it anymore. It was as if it had never existed in the first place. Obviously it did exist because the powers-that-be don’t, you know, make stuff up just to keep us distracted. Obviously the problem was solved. That has to be the reason.

Dear Kam,
What should we do now that the World Cup is (almost) over?
Kaki Bola

Get to sleep early.

Reprinted with the kind permission of