Kam Raslan’s Talking Edge

(Reprinted from The Edge – Options pullout, 17 October 2016 issue)

Kam!
Wake up, people! The New World Order is coming! I also don’t know what that means but I know I need to be afraid!
Exclamation Mark

Have you heard of the “New World Order” and “Globalists”? I had not heard of either until a few days ago, after the release of a now-notorious tape recording of Donald Trump making incredibly lewd and crude comments about women. With his presidential campaign suddenly in turmoil, The Donald had retreated to Trump Tower (aka The Eye of Sauron), but outside was gathered a band of loyal fans declaring their undying love for their spray-tanned leader. When interviewed, these fans said Trump was being attacked by Globalists because he was trying to fight against the creation of the New World Order. I had never heard of these terms before, but the Trump fans were talking with such firm conviction that for them, it was not just a real thing but a commonly held truth, like believing that the world is round. Wait a second. I’ve always instinctively believed that the world is round but maybe I’ve been lied to and it’s flat because neither my education nor the news services I read ever mentioned the truth about the New World Order. What else am I not being told?

I decided to investigate. But where could I find information about the New World Order and Globalists? Would I have to travel to the world’s largest library, the Library of Congress in Washington, DC, and leaf through dusty archives? Would I have to sneak into the Vatican and read the Pope’s diary? But as I was booking my flights online, I suddenly discovered that the internet has plenty of information about the New World Order and Globalists, as well as the truth about 9/11, that aliens gave Ancient Egyptians the television (Friends of the Pharaoh was a popular show) and that Elvis is still alive and living as a Yeti (and he’s releasing a new album soon). Who knew the internet was a repository of so much truth? So I began an intensive investigation based on the scientifically proven fact that if it’s on the internet then it must be true and also that if the website has graphs and flow charts, then it must be even more true. I barely know how to cut and paste on my computer, so anybody who knows how to make graphs must be really super clever.

After literally seconds of ceaseless searching I discovered that the Globalists are a small but powerful group of international financiers and European royalty who have gained influence over scientists, professors, the news media and the banking system to control the world’s main organisations such as the International Monetary Fund, World Bank, Nato, the United Nations and presumably the SPCA. (If the internet has taught us anything, it is that you belong to the cat, not the other way around. Wake up, people!) This secretive cabal has a Globalist Agenda to create a New World Order where there will be a single global state and where all the little people will lose their freedoms and live as slaves. This is a terrifying prospect. It’s a good thing it’s complete and utter rubbish.

It is rubbish and it’s a sad state of affairs that anybody has to take any amount of time to refute something so patently stupid. I’ll offer just three arguments against it. One is that you can never believe anything on a website that doesn’t have spellcheck. (If “beaurocrats” mean anything, then it might be crats who are very beautiful, as opposed to crats who sit behind a French desk called a bureau.) Secondly, nobody can keep a secret for that long (1Malaysia Development Bhd, anybody?) and a conspiracy of this magnitude would require lots and lots of people. Eventually, even the famously tight-lipped Queen of England would have blabbed about the coming dawn of the New World Order when opening a new hospital. And why would she even want a New World Order when she’s doing quite well under the Old World Order? Finally, the uncovering of the Globalist Agenda only ever implicates American and European elites. What about the rest of us? Aren’t we clever enough to take part in an evil plan? And how come Russia is always innocent of anything dastardly? Despite everything, Putin is always held up as a tower of strength, and Trump loves him.

Trump excused his own incredibly crude language about women as being merely “locker room talk” (presumably the same locker room where he gives Putin a gentle back rub with scented oils). His fans instantly forgave him because, for many of them, Trump is leading the fight against the most dangerous foe, the New World Order, which most of us have never even heard of. Although the conspiracy theory websites cannot fully agree on exactly who is involved in the evil plan, there are clearly a large number of Americans who will vote for Trump because of their belief in its existence. As time goes by, that number will only grow, and variants of the ridiculous theory have already arrived in Malaysia.

In Malaysia it might be that the Jews are thought to be more to blame, but whoever the enemy is they are obviously out to get us and we need a strong leader to keep us safe and so on. As time goes by, more and more people will believe these numbskull theories until they become the predominant belief systems. Future leaders might be smoother than Trump but they will have to pander to these beliefs, assuming they are not believers themselves. (I don’t think Duterte is faking it.) The internet is a wonderful thing with more pictures of cute cats than the Library of Congress could ever hope to hold. But at its worst, the internet enables us in our intellectual laziness and abandonment of all sceptical rigour. We click and share that crazy story without checking the credentials of the source, and as a rule of thumb, if it comes from Russia it is bogus. (Do you honestly trust Putin’s journalists to be telling the truth?) The truth is out there. Unfortunately, as time goes by, increasingly, the truth has got nothing to do with anything.

Reprinted with the kind permission of