Kam Raslan’s Talking Edge

(Reprinted from The Edge – Options pullout, 4 August 2008 issue)

Bigheads everywhere, an impossible language, excess capacity and our brain drain

Is it possible that there is more than one human species (I don’t mean race) living in Malaysia? I know I belong to a species that can see and is fearful of all the terrible things happening to this country, but I am pretty convinced that there is another species that is more powerful but is clearly not able to see or fear any of the bad things happening around us.
Endangered Species
Via email

You’re absolutely right. There is a separate species that looksa lot like us but is in fact completely unrelated. I read a report that confirms your theory in the renowned science journal Scientific American (incorporating Unscientific Malaysian). It turns out Bigfoot does not exist ut Bighead does. Our species (Homo Electus) has little or no contact with Bighead (Homo Lecturestherestofus). According to the report, our species (Homo Actuallydoalltheworkus) must feed Bighead (Homo Parasiticus) or it gets upset. Bighead (Homo Mustbecleverbecauseitdrivesabrabus) warps the economy to suit its own ends but gets away with it by giving a special potion called Formula One. The report concludes that there is no solution to the problem, and that they will always be in charge of our species (Homo Stupidus). There are Bigheads everywhere (Homo Dubyabushus) so we must remain constantly vigilant.

Dear Kam,
You and I seem to have something in common – a seemingly fruitless struggle to learn the impossible language of China. We differ only in the fact that I happen to be a descendant of the race that lives in that country.
Chow
Via email

If only we were born with the ability to speak the language of our ancestors. But we’re not. You have to grow up in that environment. Sometimes we are classified by some perceived cultural racial inheritance that bears little or no relationship to reality. I wonder how many generations have to pass before racial classifications become ridiculous? Five, six? 500, 600? Fortunately our country, unlike everywhere else in the world, will never ever change. It will be the same 50 years from now as it was 50 years ago. Fortunately, we don’t think 50 years ahead.

Dear Kam,
If there really exists a 40% excess capacity in our power generation system, why can’t TNB switch off 20% of the power plants connected to the transmission network? Or at least curtail production of each plant by 20%? It will save them tons of money on fuel, freeze tariffs, and we can stretch the nation’s gas supply reserve!
Nobrain
Via email

I’ll be honest with you, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t know that there was a 40% excess capacity and I didn’t know it was relevant. But I’ll take your word for it and assume that you have a great idea (you must be intelligent because only intelligent people read this paper). My only response would be that isn’t an excess capacity a great thing? Isn’t excess the nature of our development? Shouldn’t we have more than we need? I think I saw our development being taught at the Harvard Business School in a module called The Buka Puasa Buffet Model. And another thing, is there really a 40% excess? Says who? How do we really know? We’re always being told stuff that we’re told to believe and yet we never do. Is there any reason why we should suddenly believe this?

Dear Guru,
Isn’t the Internet brilliant. Now I can work from home. At least, the boss thinks I’m working but actually I’m watching The Simpsons. I’ll do some work, but I’ll have a nap first. I love technology. Offices are so last century.
New Age Malaysian
Via email

Thanks to the magic of technology, I don’t need to be in Malaysia to write my columns. This week, I’m in Sydney, Australia. I’m on a balcony overlooking the Sydney Harbour Bridge. It’s very beautiful but it’s also damn cold. The bridge and Opera House is the most wonderfully theatrical way to herald an arrival into a country that can surely only be matched by New York. Nowadays we arrive at airports which all look the same. It must have been exciting arriving by boat. My mother arrived in Penang, Malaysia (with my father) in 1957. She said it was very exciting. It’s a pity we don’t have that anymore.

I’ve been in Australia to attend the Byron Bay Writers’ Festival, and I hope I didn’t disgrace Malaysia when I spoke. I don’t think I sold many copies of my book but people were very generous and patient. I think I gave a meaningful insight into Malaysia and that it’s not simply a land filled with militants and recalcitrant politicians.

One thing that cannot be missed in Australia is the presence of Malaysians. They’re everywhere. Nobody, as far as I can tell, has ever talked about Malaysians as being a problem (except for their driving). I’ve met Malaysians all over the world who have left for one reason or another and found a new life in a new country. They’ve always assimilated, and yet retained their identity.

Although I’m happy for their successes, I also feel a little sad to have lost them. I’m staying with a Malaysian (he will always keep his Malaysian passport) who has a senior position in an Australian bank. He’d like to return to Malaysia but believes that he could never get a position equal to his undoubted abilities because of his race. He says there is a 0% chance.

I tell him times have changed and that there is now a 1% chance. I don’t think that those who have emigrated are necessarily the best and brightest but I wonder how much we have lost over the last few decades. I heard that during the last elections a politician was asked about our brain drain. He responded to the effect that the best had already gone so we shouldn’t worry. He lost his seat.

Perhaps I’m stupid, but I’m still optimistic and I’m looking forward to going home. It’ll be warmer.

Reprinted with the kind permission of